Life in the Shallow End

Please forgive me, my wonderful readers, for taking a few moments to vent. At myself. And at everyone else.

Pardon me, but WHO ASKED US? I mean, how many times in the past 24 hours has anyone actually asked us our opinion on anything in their lives? Once? Twice? If you're like me, none.

Yet how many times have I chosen to criticize people in my head for every single thing they have done that I don't like? Gracious, people, let's not pretend we don't do this. We do it out of habit, often without even realizing it. But those judgments we make profoundly impact our joy and our perspective when viewing the people around us.

Here's an example. As my Facebook friends know by now, I am no great fan of Donald Trump. In fact, I find his manner and ideas and lifestyle positively sickening. But, this is the real shocker...nobody asked me. In other words, I am free to tell the world how little I think of him and free to suggest that they think what I think; however, I am not entitled to treat them badly if they decide not to think what I think. If I ran into Donald Trump or one of his misguided supporters on the street somewhere, I should still treat them with decency and discretion despite my opinion. 

Do I want to? No. Do I know I should? Yes.

This is the point at which I want to stop writing, to stop thinking about the difficult teachings of Jesus, and to stop evaluating my own motivations and prejudices. It is so much easier to behave like a know-it-all who has all the answers to everyone else's problems. (Like I don't have any! Ha!) 

I don't like exposing myself to be flawed and hypocritical, but I do think it's time we all do exactly that. In this new world of global connections and Twitter followers and Instagram and citizen journalism, we all have incredible reach. People from around the world read our words, see our photos, and listen to our opinions on various subjects. That's legitimately terrifying. 

It might be cool to have thousands of people caring about what we think, but shouldn't that inspire us to think about things worth thinking about? Shouldn't we be talking about the things in our lives and in our world that truly matter? The things Jesus talked about?

Scripture. Relationships. Justice. Compassion. Worship. Money. Morality. Faith. Love. Forgiveness. Authenticity. Healing.

I am guilty of making my opinions matter more in my heart than God's opinions. I often try to make the issues that matter to me (the still very human me) into the issues that matter to God. I can pontificate on various subjects like the foods I like and dislike, the clothes I like and dislike, the singers I like and dislike, and the movies I like and dislike. Many of my friends have said "Yikes, you should be a food critic..or a film critic..or a fashion critic." Sadly, they are right. Notice the operative word in all of those? Critic. I put my little round head into everything and come out with a firm opinion on every detail of it. Yes, I am admitting it. It is one of the things I like least about myself.

I feel the urge to correct people's grammar, their fashion, their hair, their theology, their lifestyle choices, their choice of date or spouse, their career, their diet, etc. (I try very hard to resist most of the time, but it comes out. I'm sorry especially to my family for this one, as I think I feel a bit too free with you all because I love you.) But the crazy part is...I absolutely hate when they correct me! On anything. I find critical people incredibly irritating and I avoid every encounter that I can with them. But, you know what I'm doing? Being critical right back.

So, I have a plan to cut out the critical beast in me. And here it is. I'm gonna round up the controversies and get those barriers down once and for all.

If you are rich, I will not criticize your wealth, how you got the wealth, or how you use it.

If you are poor, I will not criticize your lack of wealth, how you don't have it, or how you use what you have,

If you are what I call "the picture of health," I will not mock your concern for diet, exercise, and health products because I don't choose it.

If you are what I call "unhealthy," I will not label you as such or mock your lack of concern for diet, exercise, and health products because I don't choose it.
If you do not claim faith in Jesus, I will not belittle you or call you a fool despite my disagreement with the logic that led you to that choice.

If you identify as a homosexual, I will not use that as a weapon against for you any reason, even if I disagree with that choice.

If you are pro-choice, I will not tear you down or rip you apart because I disagree with your position on abortion.
If you are married or not married, having children or not having children, I will not comment on your choices unless you welcome me to do so. (Quite frankly, I am aware that you don't care what I think.)
If you are anti-vaccines or pro-vaccines, I will not ask you to abandon your stance or share my own.
If you are a homeschooling parent or you send your kids to public schools, I will support you being who you're supposed to be--the PARENT who makes those decisions for their kids.
If you are a person of color, I will not invalidate your concerns or pretend mine are more important.

If you do not know how to talk about or deal with race in a healthy way, I will forgive that and treat you with respect (because I think all of us are sometimes unsure). 

If you are pro-Trump or pro-Hillary or pro-Rubio or pro-Bernie or pro-not voting at all, I will not call you names or criticize your political opinions, even if I share my own and they are different. (If I have done so previously, I am sorry. I do not want to be that).
If you are an enterpreneur and invite me to buy or sell something, I will not judge you for working hard to build a business and share good ideas with others, even if it is not something I can currently participate in.

If you have a sarcastic sense of humor, I will kindly understand that your comments are in good fun and are not personal attacks.
If you are a sensitive person and do not have that sarcastic sense of humor, I will kindly understand that those comments can be hurtful because we are not the same person and refrain from criticizing your sensitivity or treading on it in the future.
If you are in ANY WAY different from what I think I am or what I would choose you to be, I will treat you with dignity, consideration, and kindness and apologize when my sinful heart keeps me from doing so.

I hope others will join me. And I pray Jesus will help me.

Because His words are hard. They mean I become smaller in my own head and I become weak in everyone else's head and...I surrender my will to fix everyone to His will to embrace everyone with the gospel.

Choosing to reject a critical attitude is not the same as erasing my views and convictions. Choosing to love people who disagree with me is not the same as choosing to agree with them. Choosing to live a life as devoid of prejudices and cynical responses as possible is not about becoming a reflection of everyone else; it's about becoming a reflection of the Jesus who willingly engages with EVERYONE--no matter how "other" they may seem.

If there is one thing I hope people around me will say when my ashes are being spread out somewhere, I hope it will be that they saw something of Jesus in me. I hope my husband will say that I knew how to be honest, how to forgive, and how to keep the seriousness of life from becoming altogether too serious. I hope my kids will say that their mom showed them a little something of the Jesus she taught them to love. I hope that the people who know me and work with me and live their lives with me will say that my life was about something more than me and my "opinions." 

I hope they say I loved well and didn't pass love out on a merit basis. Because, the Lord knows, I would never have earned His. I don't deserve all the love and blessings I have received in this life. Not from God. Not from others. But, by the grace of God, I am loved and blessed. And if Jesus had taught us nothing else in His ministry, we should remember this: do for others what we want them to do for us, and love each other as He has loved us. (Matthew 7:12 -- John 13:34)

It's a tall order, but an incredible goal. Here's to day 1 in the journey, friends.