The Magic of the Mundane

It's amazing how the mundane routines of married life can bring such joy.

As I lie on our bed resting because I am not feeling well, I can hear the sink-water running in the kitchen as my husband washes the dishes in his meticulous way. While I was away from home for the past few weeks, he even cleaned our entire apartment so it would be perfect when I returned!

I think about our typical day and smile. In the morning when he rubs his eyes to wake up for work, I slide off the bed next to him, walk to the kitchen, and start cutting the apple for his packed lunch. We remind each other about the day's activities and appointments, kiss goodbye, and check in with each other to make sure we have reached our respective destinations. While grocery shopping, he pushes the cart and I lead the way. At night, we brush our teeth, making faces in the bathroom mirror. We climb into bed, eventually falling asleep to a synchronized breathing rhythm that somehow says all is right with the world. (Okay, I know that part's corny but it's totally true!) Marriage may not be glamorous, but it is full of beautiful moments that no book or counselor ever could have told me about.

It's also full of hard moments. Worry about finances and the future, worry about children you want or have or want back, worry about health and work, etc. It is difficult to communicate honestly without criticizing harshly. And it is especially hard to live out the "I love you" we sometimes say all too easily.

But I'm starting to learn that marriage is not a competition between each other or between our marriage and other people's marriages. It doesn't work when I waste my time needing to be right or needing to be perfect or needing to have everything in my life in place. If I have more career success than my husband (or vice versa), it doesn't make one of us better than the other. If my health or appearance or social status is worse (or better) than my spouse's, it doesn't alter the worth of either one of us. If, in my marriage, there is a financial stress that someone else's marriage might not have, it doesn't make theirs better. If they are able to have a family whenever they want and in my marriage we can't, it doesn't make theirs easier.

Every single couple has a love story and a togetherness story that is completely different than everyone else's. There are dynamics in our home that I wouldn't trade for the world..and that other people might scoff at. The glorious truth is that marriage involves only the 3 of us: me, him, and God. When we need help, we should seek it from other wiser couples, of course. But as we figure the little things out in the life we now get to share, there is so much room for us to just be..us.

While folding each other's underwear and watching Mr. Bean on a Friday night might not be the world's most exciting pastime, there is something about it that heals my soul from the hurts of the day. Why? Because no matter the simplicity and routine of our married life, we know that we chose this because we are completely invested in each other's success--emotionally, physically, spiritually. If the world was against me (and sometimes it feels like it is), I know two very important truths. 1) My God is for me, 2) my husband is for me.

The safety in that is worth all the stress that might come along with it. Sure, money can get really tight and living space can get really stifling and the future can seem really scary and family squabbles can be really frustrating...but I never have to sleep in the dark alone anymore. I never have to ask if anyone will miss me when I'm not around. In a marriage that never gives up, I am saved from feeling the aching loneliness that wants to drag me and hold me down.

This is why marriage is such a perfect reminder of Jesus' love for His church. He loves to free us, grow us, listen to us, comfort us, challenge us, and forgive us. He wants us to know Him and be known by Him. He wants us to trust Him even when we may not understand every piece; and He wants to love us sacrificially even when He knows we cannot fully grasp and return such love. And when our husbands even attempt to show us that kind of devotion and commitment, it becomes a source of deep security and joy.

Such grace to make and keep a covenant.
Such a blessing to have a soft place to fall when hard circumstances come crashing in.

Such a miracle to be married.